Musings
by LynnPens
Summary: Remus, Peter, and Sirius’ thoughts on and after that fateful night when the four Marauders are together once again, the first time in twelve years.
1. Ubiquitous Rodent

**Musings**

**Disclaimer:** I disclaim. None of these characters belong to me. Go away, lawyers.

**Summary:** Remus, Peter, and Sirius' thoughts on and after that fateful night when the four Marauders are together once again, the first time in twelve years.

**A/N: **I realize that Peter's PoV tale is different, but I can't get what I had with Remus. It works with him as well though. I always imagined him this way…

* * *

**One: Peter**

I admit that I am a runner. That's what I do when I get into a tough spot. I either run away from my problems, or run to friends who help me with them. I've never learned how to stand for myself, and therefore, my only form of self preservation is to run to safety.

I suppose I learned it from my mother. As a child, I watched her fight with my sister. They both had their own views on the world – most often, opposite views – and when they clashed, and that was often… well, it wasn't pretty.

Mum tended to end up losing, for my sister had a sharp mind and could – and would – talk her way out of almost anything, and into trouble as well. When Mum realized that she lost the verbal battle (she ends up yelling and my sister responding in mild tones), she ran to Father, who always took her side and put the victor – that being my sister – in trouble. Though I admired my sister greatly, I never could – and still can't – stand up to anyone.

When the Dark Lord ask ed me to disclose the whereabouts of my closest school friends, I had no choice. As much as I liked them, my hide meant more than they… I ran from what I knew was right…

When the third of our member confronted me a few days later, after my master was vanquished partly because of me, I fled. I used the skill I learned through my leech-craft, destroyed the street, and hid for eleven years.

But he escaped. He who had been sent to Azkaban for my murder escaped. After eleven years of relative peace, I had something bigger than a missed meal to fear, as I knew he would be out for blood, and in particularly, my blood.

We met again almost a year later. The three of us, and the three of them… and all five of them was against me. Before, a defense was placed up, but after the truth about my actions had been revealed, they were out for blood… but he, the son of the ones I betrayed, chose to save me… I pleaded for more mercy than he cared to show, and none more was given. When the opportunity came, I took advantage of it and ran.

I fear death, you see. It is my greatest fear; every time I face death, I turn and run, my tail tucked between my legs.

I'm not proud of that fear. I wish I wasn't this way, but that's who I am. I can't change that, not for anyone… even if I could. It's just me… And who am I?

I am Peter Pettigrew, a labeled traitor…

* * *

Please review. I know that I wrote Remus first, but after I wrote this one, I realized that Peter's tale should come before Remus' according to how it was written, so this is now chapter one, or, rather, musing one. However, this is shorter… Bah. Whatever. 


	2. To be Lunarly Challenged

**Musings**

**Disclaimer:** I disclaim. None of these characters belong to me. Go away, lawyers.

**Summary:** Remus, Peter, and Sirius' thoughts on and after that fateful night when the four Marauders are together once again, the first time in twelve years.

* * *

**Two: Remus**

It had been thirteen years since I last saw his face. Thirteen years of not knowing how he was doing, thirteen years of not caring, or at least, pretending not to care. But in my heart, he was still my brother, my pack-mate, and I missed him dearly. One cannot miss a murderer and a traitor, however, so I tried to hide those feelings.

A few months ago, the papers said that he had escaped. No one knew how or why... but I knew. I knew, and I did not say a word... for if I did, I would have to admit that I betrayed Dumbledore's trust, and that is the most important thing to me. I am in great debt to him, and if he were to know what I brought among the students, what I became the catalyst for, he would never trust me again. But I knew...

And now, tonight, I saw him again. He was a shadow of his former self. Though I could still see what he once was -- a fine young man with dashing looks -- time in Azkaban had stolen much of his beauty from him. His cheeks were hollowed, and a wild look filled those dark eyes of his.

I saw what he had become, yet I still went along with him. I saw that all those years of hating myself for being so trustful, all those years of berating myself for not telling Dumbledore... they were all wasted. He wasn't what everyone thought him to be. He was innocent... and though escaping from Azkaban wasn't the best decision, he had been there for a crime he did not commit.

I saved him from Harry, tonight, and gave Harry his godfather... but then, I forgot. I forgot to take that potion -- nasty thing it is -- I forgot that tonight was one of those nights, when I am forced to follow the moon's calling. I simply forgot, and with that, the gift that I had presented to him -- to both of them -- was lost.

I regret all of it. I regret doubting him. I regret forgetting. I regret letting another long lost friend, but the real betrayer, slip away during my madness... I don't regret, however, saving him from the fate that would have awaited him had we not brought Harry around.

So many regrets... yet I'm satisfied with what I have done. I could have done it better, had I not forgotten, but alas, messing around with time is a dangerous thing, one that I'm not willing to mess with, not even if I could clear his name... and mind you, I would do quite a lot to see my pack-mate have peace.

I've done the best I can for him, and will continue to try to support him whenever he needs me -- like I did when we were young. After all, he is my best friend. My only friend left from those days... and of course, no one could resist helping that handsome, suave teenager I knew way back then... because, after all, he is Sirius Black... just not as clean and playful as I once remembered...

The wolf in me helps keep this true… for I am Remus Lupin, an acknowledged werewolf…

* * *

Please review. Sirius' is almost complete as well… Just need to actually find time to type that up. 


	3. Fulfilling Animal Duties

**Musings**

**Disclaimer:** I disclaim. None of these characters belong to me. Go away, lawyers.

**Summary:** Remus, Peter, and Sirius' thoughts on and after that fateful night when the four Marauders are together once again, the first time in twelve years.

* * *

**Three: Sirius**

I'm an escaped mad mass murderer. Or at least, they say I am. If I did commit murder, it would be to kill those who threaten those I care about, not innocents. Of course, the fools at the Ministry can't understand that, but that's why they're fools… fools that are in charge. How depressing.

But at least I escaped from them, with the help of an old school friend and a few of the students… one of them being the son if my best friend. I have a darn bird with me as well… though he helped me escape, he's still an animal who keeps trying to eat my dinner. We both go hunting, and still, he reaches over and steals my food. Mine, apparently, is more tasty than the ones he hunted… especially the rats. He seems to have developed a liking for those. Normally, at least, in another situation, he'd be welcome to those, but as there's only so much I can steal from the townsfolk or beg off (as the mutt, of course, as I am still being hunted, as I am being constantly notified by either my friends, or the newspapers I find scattered on the ground)… He needs to stop or I'll eat him.

One of my friends sent me a muggle rhyme the other day, telling me that it applied quite well to my situation, "Run run run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" I would have to agree, except that I'm not food and that I have been caught before, but that was as I stood in the street, laughing at the manner of the traitor's escape. Otherwise, she was right. That was me indeed…

I sometimes wonder whether the traitor or I had a worse life in these past twelve years. Him, living as a rat in relative comfort, or me, reliving all my nightmares, some familiar and some not quite as much, but all scary as hell – who am I kidding? Despite being able to remain human, I never found escape from the horror, or at least, when I did, not for long. Which is why I wish to murder him so. He got to live comfortably feeling no guilt over the betrayal and death of his best friends – people who would have given their lives for him without thinking, yet he chose his life over theirs – while I suffered for being loyal by seeking revenge that I never got.

Maybe that's why, of all of the rodents I catch, rats are my favorite – perhaps I'm wishing that every rat I consume was him, though killing him would not bring them back to life… but it would satisfy my sense of loyalty.

That's why I become a mutt at will, for dogs have a strong sense of loyalty, and would do anything to fulfill it. Azkaban again would not be so bad as long as I got to take revenge upon him first… lousy traitor does not deserve to live, yet he escaped and is probably serving the Dark Lord now, or another one of his followers… sniveling git.

I will get him. I have to, and he knows that I will, even if I have to die trying… for I am Sirius Black, and a Black never, ever, goes against his word.

* * *

I'm not too pleased with Sirius' myself… I struggled a lot with this one, as the way to write it wasn't as clear. I've always imagined Sirius taking everything with a smile, and as they come, and I tried to portray that and probably failed.

Ah well. Either way, that's it, folks. Its been nice seeing people look at this story and not review; hope you guys enjoyed it.

Back to your normally scheduled program.


End file.
